Finding My center

[2-17-14]
I often felt there was something that was being held back that there were things we were not being told and now I'm beginning to understand the concepts that no one else is thinking or even teaching about.
The secret is your center. Finding this there will be nothing impossible to you because you will find your power and that is everything. you won't need their books of lies any more or their dogma and bs. Isn't that exciting? The secret of life and wealth and power is you.
I am very happy to know this. It's something that the pagans and other religions never allow us to know.
Ask your self this question
" Who are you?"
I can truly say I don't know and when you can't answer that one the second one is even tougher .

"What is your center?"

" What are you in your deepest being?"

"What do you want to bring to the world?"

Not being able to answer these question is why we are stuck in the same place. You can't truly say you wanted to be where and what you are from the very beginning of your life, because there were other things that got into the way  Things you were taught from the time you were born, and you have to admit it got pretty complicated . Didn't it? There's a lot of distractions out there.  I have found that I spend less than ten minutes a month out side  my house. Why ? Because of a complex web of fear  this web creates a fear and distrust  of other people, of the wild life and pets in the area  where I live. And I can tell you I'm as disconnected from nature as it gets.

To think my dream used to be so simple But it quickly became complicated. Because of one thing M.O.N.E.Y.  Because money had to go everywhere but to what I wanted . And where I wanted to go was always out of reach. I tried cutting down and reshaping even  thinking about my dream as co oped  with another person's dreams and goals but I'm still in the same place because the other person can't save because she's afraid of starvation.
 I have had more  of my dreams stolen by the stupidity over money than  by all the bullying and teasing I endured in the B.F.D.C.  But when I figured out why I was getting cheated and stuck in the same place I really was shocked. If you know who you are Then you are the one who has all the power to  make life what you want, money won't matter and neither will the fear mongering that tells you that you need this or that or that you can't be or do or have that. If you know what you are in your deepest being  and what you really want the world to be like in your experience Then you can change it. And no one can stop you . This has been my challenge And in so doing I have had to become a force to create the Where with all for two dreams Rather than  Just my own and It's too much to ask of anyone, to throw your dreams onto theirs and usurp all their goals to get your own but that is what has happened It's either  or not both. When you get a person Who's sucking away  your dream to get their own you just haven't got the resources to  go any where how do you get rid of such a parasite? When they hide behind finances and stupidity to disguise selfishness? Anne and I talked about this every night and found that the solution was less than honorable. But if they can play that game then we can too.  face it the label of Nephilite is still heavy.  even if they  say It's not a factor my sister and Mom were still B.F.D.C.  Our money is really theirs they just haven't found a way to take it yet.
 How did the word Nephilite come about in the B.F.D.C.?  how did this way of exploitation begin?
And How does this  block me from Finding my center and getting the life I want?

In 1958 Reverend Jacob Holculmn I call him "HOAXER"  claimed to have had a revelation from God. In this revelation there were  these horrible disfigured giants called the Nephilim  these beings had been thought to have been wiped out by God in the time of Noah. But some of them  hid themselves and some how survived the flood and were now returning to avenge them selves by taking the daughters of righteous men. he was told how to spot these children of the Nephilim  they would be born on SUNDAY as a blasphemy of the Sabbath. And worse, that they could not eat of the Manna of the  holy communion.  They  would become sick and vomit . They would be smitten endlessly with sores that bled  at the slightest touch and they would  have weaknesses of the lungs. Yeah I was guilty on all counts. I was born on a Sunday, couldn't eat wheat or corn or soy,  And had sores all the time growing up. Imagine the pain I went through as a kid growing up as the brats all tried to hit me hoping to see blood from a wound . Then one day I was called to the principal's office because even the non B.F.D.C. brats were heard yelling "Nephilite! " after my brother ripped the sleeve of my dress,off of my left arm.  I had no idea what that meant, my brother started yelling the word and the rest of the bullies joined in.. When my parents were called of course  they  both lied saying they didn't know where my brother or any of the other kids at school had heard such an awful word. So the school sent  spies into Bruceville- Eddy  Texas and into Star Texas where the main B.F.D.C. Church group was.  They found out to their dismay what Nephilite meant.  the spies returned with terror tales of the meaning of that word. They described in detail what had happened to a mere girl  who though they had rescued her , She was so mentally messed up  it would have been kinder to let her die where she had been.   it was recommended  that a special boarding school be set up to get those being burdened with the label  of that horrible word could get a fighting chance.  But some how  the B.F.D.C. Got that Idea stopped.  My brother got a beating for his misuse of religious texts let alone ripping my sleeve on my dress to show the hateful mark put on me when I was four years old  of a coiled striking snake.  My teachers tried God & Goddess bless them. But separation of Church and state came out in favor of Reverend Holculmn.
Is it any wonder that I am scarred  in mind and body?  Beatings and verbal abuse,So rampant in my and My cousin's lives No wonder we lost our centers. forgot who we were and what we wanted.