STAY FOCUSED

 
  The hardest part of knowing that mary expects to share in my savings plan and to directly benefit from this silver I'm saving to get a future income.
  I can't help what she thinks is going to happen. I have to monitor myself and what I know will happen. Time is not on my side, and to be saddled with this shit that I am it's going to mean actually writing myself a transfer slip at the end of the month. I need to be very aware of my thoughts and not be like these nose to butt fucking people. I need to STAY FOCUSED just on getting the money to buy silver. So that my future even one stuck with mary, is better assured. I just topped the 103 mark. I should be glad of that and express gratitude to the Lord and Lady for the little I have. But instead of being grateful I'm acting all Christian, greedy & disdainful. Is that an energy I'm feeling? Or have I not come far enough that there is still no difference between me and them?  I'm doing this alone with only my own money   yet mary expects to share in my reward and I am disdainful I have to remember there's a brother out there who wants me dead, and a half assed half sister that would see me locked up as fast as she can get me into a cage. I need a person on my side at least mary isn't completely dishonest about her intentions. I need to stop this way of thinking Be grateful  and willing to share. More Meditation Time is in order. More work with the ho-opono-pono.
I think I am really messed up I was actually having another nasty dream thing last night doing a you tube video that showed a place that was well hidden and no one could find it. this place had been carved out of a cliff the stone cut out of this cliff face, was used carefully to hide a small cabin. This one room building was a prize of the gang. I was making all kinds of snide whispered comments about the search teams and how my brother's gang had well provided this hiding place. And have no Idea what they had done for me. My hard work to hide my cabin was paying off. How I had failed to have hide outs in the past now as I learned how to hide I got better and better at doing this. How the enemy out there was "So Stupid because they are Christians." Come on Pat this is not how a true pagan acts. you need to wake up and do the chant again.
 "They could shine a light right on this cabin and never see it. Christians are that stupid!" I was laughing at them as I watched the lights on my trap cameras, from my hiding place move across the hills around me. By morning they had passed and I was in a well supplied fortress, well hidden from them. They burned everything in the canyon  to drive out the game so I couldn't hunt. They tried everything right up until they were busted and I laughed at them. "I don't have to meet the others in Salado until Friday there's no need to run no one will find me. And so long as they think I'm not here I'm good. Yeah I took off again. Not the best way to put it Really I just need some space So I did call my mom after I was sure mary  had gone to work
"Well Why did you take off like that?"  She asked in that whiny tone she uses to induce guilt like she was the one hurt  But I couldn't tell her I was pissed off that they think that they are going to share in my savings plan even though they don't put in a dime. "The truth is I'm not up for sharing."  Hell No don't say that. "I'll be home soon." I told her I was a job lead. It didn't pan out they want kids  &  immigrant workers who don't cost anything."  Can't say she bought it. But at least she was quieter when I hung up.